June 12, 2013 at 9:26 am #3073
We’re sad to hear the news that Jiah Khan committed suicide 🙁 She was such a good actor.
From Mahesh Murthy,
So this note is likely to piss off many of you, but still. Can someone tell me why exactly Jiah Khan’s ex-boyfriend is being blamed for her suicide?
So it’s the usual story. Boy meets girl, they fall in love, they are happy, then they break up. Then he sees someone else.
At which point over-wrought girl decides her life isn’t worth living. Seriously – this is a 25-year old who co-starred with Aamir Khan in a hit film and then later thinks her life is value-less without the continuing attention of some unemployed star-kid?! How the heck was she brought up? What kind of foolish adult mind thinks that someone else’s attention is so important that her own life pales in comparison? How dare her parents blame her ex for this ridiculous state of mind? Who gave her these values where “death before losing in love” is a virtue?
So she writes a latter saying she had an abortion when she got pregnant, presumably by him – again, no one told her about contraception? And even if they decided to forswear protection – it’s his fault she got pregnant? Wasn’t she equally part of it?
So yes, she had an abortion, she set her mind to have him, but he moved on after they mutually broke up – but she wanted him back, and he said no, so she took her life?
Of course we mourn for her.
But why would we – and the police – blame the idiot star kid who was her ex-boyfriend? I hear it’s on the charge of abetting suicide. Really? You mean if two people are together, and one wants to marry the other, and the other refuses, and then the first one commits suicide, then the other has abetted it? What rot.
So now after seeing this news play out, we have a nation of unstable 25-year olds going around forcing their partners into matrimony at the gunpoint of “do it or I’ll commit suicide and you’ll go to jail like Aditya Pancholi’s son”?
What about it being the other way around? Perhaps more like blackmail – “Marry me, or I’ll commit suicide?” And would that not be equally valid a crime?
So what’s a guy to do if he doesn’t want to marry a girl? Or vice versa actually. Report to the cops when he’s been proposed to? Take anticipatory bail before he says “No, I don’t want to marry you”? Call the counselling lines so they make outbound calls to the partner in advance of him saying no? Or in this case, even involve a bigger star, Salman Khan, who oversees their apparently amicable separation? And even then go to jail after all these precautionary measures?
Look, there’s no escaping the fact that a life lost is a terrible, terrible thing. But blaming the ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend for one’s lack of motivation to live when a relationship breaks is not the other’s fault. It’s your own.
No one grows up with a right to be loved. It’s a privilege you earn for yourself. It doesn’t come naturally. You earn it. And very often, love comes. And love goes. And love comes back. And goes again. And so on.
And, yes, sorry to break it to you but there is no one-man-one-woman-walking-into-the-sunset-together-forever Mills & Boon bullshit that happens either. If your parents or your convent schools or some M&B you read or a chick flick or a YashRaj or KJo film told you that it is the way and it will happen to you – please understand that those are pretty unreliable sources. For starters, it didn’t happen to the authors of such propaganda: the nuns and KJo are still single. The apparent importance of marriage is just propaganda – and you’re better off not depending on it. If it happens, cool. And if it doesn’t, that should be cool too.
Perhaps the best thing we can do as individuals and parents is tell the kids around that marriage isn’t the ultimate goal. It isn’t even an intermediate goal. Or even a tiny goal. Screw the TBZ ads and the whitening cream commercials. Ignore Chetan Bhagat and Shaadi.com. Marriage is downright unimportant in the overall course of things.
In India, you don’t need to be married to have a child legally. Or even to inherit and pass on property. Marriage is just a social custom where a bunch of old people shower rice on your head and believe they’re giving you their permission (or direction, in some cases) to sleep with someone. As you can imagine, it has little or no legal necessity or significance.
What is important is planning to live a full life for yourself, and working to make all your dreams come true – regardless of whether you have a partner with you for the course.
Sure, it’s more fun when you have a lover around. But not having one around isn’t a show-stopper. Life is compulsory. Marriage is an optional extra. Let’s tell the kids that.
Oh, and while we’re at it, can we please stop blaming that poor Pancholi kid for Jiah Khan’s suicide? Let’s stop the witch hunt. Get him out of jail.
And let’s stop glorifying suicide in the name of unrequited love.
Well in Jiah’s case, the boyfriend had(according to Jiah’s suicide note) ‘raped’ and physically abused her – and that’s a serious offense. But then in such cases girl should get to police or talk to her parents or whatever.
Being in a relationship, having sex and calling it a rape after the breakup is ridiculous. Because in a relationship, both are equally responsible for whatever happens in their lives. If the sex was forced, then you know it’s a serious mistake and you need to take action against it immediately.
Boys v/s Girls Inequality In INDIA
It’s like “Whatever a girl says is always true v/s what the boy has to say!”. This is a stupid idiotic thing in India.
But I’ve heard this from many girls that boys are actually innocents and good hearted then most women.
Well I don’t want to comment on above lines, because that’s not what we’re going to discuss; media people can talk and create fights between opposite sexes and raise their TRP’s – their only moto these days!
Misuse of Law
Well in my college days, we boys had no rights to getup and go out after each class. But girls use to go out and come in freely and no one questioned. Our idiot HOD use to say ‘hen magu'(girl child) to girls and to boys he use to call ‘le'(disrespectful word in kannada). Well our HOD(KSS Wadeyer) had no manners – so leave his matter.
In marriages: they take advantage of various laws and abuse men and their parents. Recently one of the family friends of my friend got married, and they still didn’t leave together. After the matter got public we came to know that the girl is staying with her boyfriend. Now when asked for divorce she is demanding 7 lakhs orelse she’ll not give divorce and she’ll continue to stay with her boyfriend itself – kya zamana aagaya bhai – ghor kaliyug!
In companies: they’re not put in night shifts. What about men? aren’t they human beings? I don’t want to talk more about this. Ask people working in corporate and know more.
Back to Jiah Khan: I wish you were alive. I’m not insisting that it was entirely Jiah khan’s mistake. I’m insisting that it’s not her boyfriends mistake entirely. We are all immensely sad because of Jiah’s death, but that doesn’t mean we need to make the other persons life a living death.
Equality: Reportedly there are more men who have died because of love failure or problem with relationship opposite to women, which is a rare case.
Law: Make a proper law for such cases. Treat men and women equally in it, and then there’ll be proper grounds to execute/prosecute a person. In India, it’s like, if a person is rich/famous, shameless media creates so much of buzz and misunderstandings. Media should be punished first whenever they mislead people. And they must be punished severely for spicing up the story – with unwanted music and playback songs and use of technology to hype up the story.
Inspiration comes from all around us – we just need to take it
I take immense inspiration from you Jiah – not to commit suicide in case my girlfriend leaves me. I need to live – I need to love – I deserve to be happy, no matter what others try doing to me.
Blaming my girlfriend or anyone for that matter, would just be my inability to lead my life.
It’s my LIFE, and I’m fully responsible to it.June 12, 2013 at 9:40 am #3074
Jiah Khan Suicide Note:
Here is the text from actress Jiah Khan’s suicide letter allegedly addressed to Suraj Pancholi. This letter was shared to the media by Jiah’s mother through their publicists.
“I don’t know how to say this to you but I might as well now as I have nothing to lose. I’ve already lost everything. If you’re reading this I might have already left or about to leave. I am broken inside. You may not have known this but you affected me deeply to a point where I lost myself in loving you. Yet you tortured me everyday. These days I see no light I wake up not wanting to wake up. There was a time I saw my life with you, a future with you. But you shattered my dreams. I feel dead inside. I’ve never given so much of myself to someone or cared so much. You returned my love with cheating and lies. It didn’t matter how many gifts I gave you or how beautiful I looked for you. I was scared of getting pregnant but I gave myself completely the pain you have caused me everyday has destroyed every bit of me, destroyed my soul. I can’t eat or sleep or think or function. I am running away from everything. The career is not even worth it anymore.
When I first met you I was driven, ambitious and disciplined. Then I fell for you, a love I thought would bring out the best in me. I don’t know why destiny brought us together. After all the pain, the rape, the abuse, the torture I have seen previously I didn’t deserve this. I didn’t see any love or commitment from you. I just became increasingly scared that you would hurt me mentally or physically. Your life was about partying and women. Mine was you and my work. If I stay here I will crave you and miss you. So I am kissing my 10-year career and dreams goodbye. I never told you but I received a message about you. About you cheating on me. I chose to ignore it, decided to trust you. You embarrassed me. I never went out, I never went with anyone else. I am a loyal person. I never met anyone with Karthik I just wanted you to feel how you make me feel constantly. No other woman will give you as much as I did or love you as much as I did. I can write that in my blood. Things were looking up for me here, but is it worth it when you constantly feel the pain of heartbreak when the person you love wants to abuse you or threatens to hit you or cheats on you telling other girls they are beautiful or throws you out of their house when you have no where to go and you’ve come to them out of love or when they lie to your face or they make you chase after them in their car. Or disrespects their family. You never even met my sister. I bought your sister presents. You tore my soul. I have no reason to breathe anymore. All I wanted was love. I did everything for you. I was working for us. But you were never my partner. My future is destroyed my happiness snatched away from me. I always wished the best for you, was ready to invest what little money I had in your betterment. You never appreciated my love, Kicked me in the face. I have no confidence or self esteem left, whatever talent whatever ambition you took it all away. You destroyed my life. It hurt me so much that I waited for you for ten days and you didn’t bother buying me something.
The Goa trip was my birthday present but even after you cheated I still spent on you. I aborted our baby when it hurt me deeply. You destroyed my Christmas and my birthday dinner when I came back. When I tried my hardest to make your birthday special. You chose to be away from me on Valentines Day. You promised me once we made it to one year we would get engaged. All you want in life is partying, your women and your selfish motives. All I wanted was you and my happiness you took both away from me. I spent money on you selflessly you would throw in my face. When I would cry for you. I have nothing left in this world to live for after this. I wish you had loved me like I loved you. I dreamt of our future. I dreamt of our success. I leave this place with nothing but broken dreams and empty promises. All I want now is to go to sleep and never wake up again. I am nothing. I had everything. I felt so alone even while with you. You made me feel alone and vulnerable. I am so much more than this.”June 12, 2013 at 10:22 am #3075
Jiah Khan’s Interview
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